Blabbering...
Guess I'll be skipping lunch today. Feeding on Subway's chocolate chips cookies..!! Highly recommended by miss Os. So of course I'm damn free now lar since the office left only a few cats.. Went thru most of my past posts... It's obviously noticeable that my posts had changed a lot. From the happy go lucky posts to the dull, self-pity and self-demoralising posts. *Gawd* what e hell happened?? Keeps me pondering for a moment.. ... ... *After a moment*... Ah har! I think i know why. (okay lar i know this is pretty lame.. but trying very hard to make the post lively-er lei... so u better give me some face lor!!) Okay back to the topic. Over these years, thru army and all the blardy unhappy incidents, only yesterday I found out that the person i thought I've matured into is actually sme pussy. Yeah I dun mind admitting that.. not that i've a pussy lar and P.S: dun ever call me that in the public. Haha.. I dun wan any butches or faggots to come screwing my arse!! Of all words, why a pussy?? Err.. coz i'm a guy? and naturally a guy's mind is fulled of pussys... muahahaa... *meow*... talk cork lar. The word just came to me. I followed too strictly to sme of my so called "principles" which i always think is right. Now shut the crap and hear me out.
1. Sharing - frm my point of view, sharing is fine. But overly baring yourself to anyone else is terribly wrong. If i were to bare myself too much to someone, i would require the same baring cause i bared so much and i fear betrayal and i would be defensive and overly sensitive. That's what i believed in the past. The libra's trying to live up to his zodiac to be fair/just.. haha you know what? that's BULLSHIT!! Now, i'll put down my defense shield and bare it all out. What's there to lose? Nothing! So why fear?
2. Honesty - I dunno if i'm right about this. In the past, i'm too honest and true to everyone. *bleahz* thick skin. Yeah i know. That's what my friends liked abt me. At least that's what i think. hehe. I'm being so true that when anyone tries to pull sme stunt on me or i sense untruthfulness, i'll shirk off and get sad in my own corner like a hermit crab wondering and losing sleep over "why he so like dat? why he so like dat? I ask you why he so like dat and u tell me coz he's so like dat..(this is a sing along session)".. smetimes it might even go into the extremes dat my trust for anyone can be lost in a snap! so pussy right. Gawd... Now i know being truthful doesnt necessarily pays off. Blardy hell trust what i've said! You can never be too truthful..however Yes, I'll still be truthful but only on the right things and right people. It's fine to put on a mask once a while.
3. Trust - Dun think i can define this. Cause i cant figure out what it is too. It comes and go easily. I would say that my trust to someone can gradually fade off due to time. I need assurance to keep it "fresh/renew". Simple, if i dun trust smeone, i wont ask him to do anything or request help from him. Trust is sth that works both way bah.. err.. how to say lei.. like it's pointless if you have trust for the person and the person doesnt have trust for you. I reckon that it's a damn extreme thing lar. Either you can trust or you cant. there's no middle class shit.
Would stop at 3 for now. Dun wan to go on and on abt it.. it bores me too. dunno what i'm getting at also. Haha... totally lost. how can life be so complicated? haha.. fuck. Not going into it again.. i'm going out of the moment!!