just not my day

Sunday, September 05, 2004

An add on to this week. 5:21am. Feeling vexed and mad at myself over my friends and family. Just went speed driving in e van for quite a long time. Seperated with my friends at around 12plus. Then went to Samuel's place. Wanted to pay him an apology but failed. Yes, I made him angry again. But never did that on purpose. Stayed there for quite a while thinking he might change his mind. Felt really guilty. This is what happen when I made my friends angry. I would feel really guilty esp when it happen to my close friends. Feel so guilty that I would keep saying sorry and pay apology. Although I know that this will furthur irritate them and what done is done and there's nothing much I can do (esp when they are at the top of their anger), but everything's worth a try and that's what I believe in. I believe that it's the only way to show my sincerity and how much this friendship means. Geez. If it was for just a normal friend, all I'll do is just say sorry and couldn't care less. What a loser I am.

My family. What I'm going through now I know is nothing compared to what my parents are going through now. Won't disclose anything. It's just private. So all that I can say is just that I feel so lost all the sudden and that I can't see where I'm leading to in my future. That answers to why I'm always not at home. Escaping? I guess much. Deep inside me just tells me that if I'm not around, they(my parents) wouldn't have time to tell me whatever they want to tell me and I wouldn't have to face it. LOSER.

soowei noted at 5:39 PM  |